I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
