my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
