So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The maid of honor just puked.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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