i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
