If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
