Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
