i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
