We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
