On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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