I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
