My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
