just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
