I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
