Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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