I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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