is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize