i don't like sucking hair
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
