Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
