I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
