just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
