Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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