Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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