I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
