I cannot find my penis.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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