u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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