Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
