She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
