im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
