while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
