is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
