i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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