Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
