Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
