i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everclear isn't food dammit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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