I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you had me at cake vodka
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
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