Don't make out with my wife yet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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