I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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