In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
