You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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