Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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