never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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