david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
