I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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