I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
