i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
