so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
