I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As shirtless as possible
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize