she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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