She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
