Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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