SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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