I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
