If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why do cheetos always look like penises
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
