I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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