You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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