I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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