I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
