So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize