doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
