Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
