I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
