he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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