just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
