Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
