I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
