I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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