Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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