I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
